Awareness · depression · mental illness · Uncategorized

Depression is my normal

Think of a deep, dark whole, you falling into an everlasting sunken space, free-falling, the more you struggle and fight against it the more difficult the journey becomes but if you accept and submerge into this dark space you might eventually reach some ground, some stability. There might be something at the end of the dark space. This is what a depressive spell might feel like to some, an overwhelming feeling of sunken gloom that seems never-ending, but for some it’s a ride we wear off periodically. Let it flow till it is over. Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel and stop resisting that you feel sad, angry, anxious, feel it out, work it out and let the emotions ride through you until it’s done. Cry out a bucket or two, punch a punching bag until it’s tatterted and hanging by a thread, scream out until your lungs are exhausted but just let it all out.

 

Growing up I was thought to hide how I feel, wear a mask, pretend you happy all the time, pretend your life is perfect and let people think that it is. If you need to cry do it alone in a dark space where no one can see. If you angry suppress it until you become a ball of passive aggression and can not live with anyone. This is unhealthy, personally I think emotions need to be acknowledged, we all need to encourage each other to be human, to feel what we feel, to give ourselves a break. When did life become a competition of who’s smile is the widest, whose life seems the happiest, whose emotional stability is the most controllable. Maybe it’s time to redefine the norms of what emotional stability is. Maybe emotional stability should be projected our emotions in a healthy manner instead of stifling ourselves and pretending we are robots. We aren’t robots yet, we all still human.

 

For so many reason I hate the term ‘normal’. I think this term is setting up unrealistic expectations for so many of us. I wish I felt normal, I wish I had a normal life, I wish I was in a normal family. What is normal? If we could all individually create an idea of what normal is personal to our own lives, maybe we would find a happier more content space (Of course this does not apply to being in an abusive situation). Personally for me, living with depression is my normal, feeling things the way I feel it is my normal, not getting as excited about things way in advance is my normal. Once I accepted what normal means to me I am much more content and in tune with my emotions and life. I just enjoy being different and unique and this works for me. What works for you? What makes you feel ‘normal’?

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3 thoughts on “Depression is my normal

  1. I hear you; I’ve lived with depression (amongst other things) for so long it doesn’t feel natural to experience things like exuberance and joy, or to feel desperately passionate about something. There are days that are higher than others, but low is the norm. I don’t know if I want to experience ‘happiness’, or positivity – this is just who I am. At the same time, when it begins to affect your ability to survive day-to-day, there are coping methods, from therapy to medication, that can help. There’s nothing wrong with being depressed – just don’t drown.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitily! I feel happiness n passion but rarely. All emotions are clouded. But like I say that becomes normal and you learn to live with who you are. Life is just a different type of good 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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